Union Jacks Club

by Lauren G.

Union Jack's feels evil to me. And I'm not certain why.The staff's really cool and nice. The female announcer chick is super cool and makes people clap, which I love. And the pole is super high and fun.So what's my problem? Maybe it's the lighting. Maybe it's because it reminds me of the russian mob.  Maybe it's because I became intoxicated here once and got lost (lost? really? it's one big room...) and then walked into a lapdance room by accident.Clearly I'm in the minority though, so enjoy!

by Leslie C.

I'm giving this club one star because I'm appalled at how they treat their dancers.My friend danced here one night, and one of the rowdy patrons HIT her. She tried to report it to the bouncer, who refused to kick the patron out. The bartender just said "There's nothing I can do!" Who does that?!So ladies, for your safety, I don't recommend dancing here. Go somewhere where the club will actually protect you if a patron gets violent with you. And for customers, go patronize another business because this one obviously doesn't think that its dancers are people whose lives are worth looking at for.

by Quinn E.

Ok, strip clubs are really, really not my thing. I'd never go to a strip club where I live now, because I suspect the women would have high hair and fake boobs and smell like the Bath Body Works. But not the girls at Union Jack's. They're like girls I'd know in real life. Which is really weird to me. I don't really want to see my friends shake their cooches at me. But they weren't really my friends so I came back a few times. The dancers were cool, maybe they just wanted my money or maybe they were stoked that a group of dykes were hanging out there and we were less likely to be all gross at them. Either way. They were hot, that's for sure. Tattoos, piercings, cool hair. I mean, they still wear those weird-ass stripper shoes, but the rest is rather unique. Although, I did get pretty depressed when a girl stripped to How Soon is Now by the Smiths. Seriously. I'm too sensitive for strip clubs. But if you can disassociate a little better than me, like to look at hip girls and like some loud rock music, you'll dig this place. The drinks are cheap, but bring lots of singles so you're not the asshole who doesn't tip the dancers.

by Danielle R.

So last Friday my honey and I got a sitter and went out on the town drinkin' like the old days.  Two bars and five drinks later, I find myself at Union Jacks in a cushy booth snuggling with my man, cold beer in hand. I have to mention that this was the first strip club I've set foot in and it was definitely more comfortable and entertaining than I thought it was going to be.  A few of the girls had great bodies and put on quite the acrobatic routine on that extremely high pole - some, not so much, but all in all it turned out to be one very fun evening. I'd have to recommend visiting if you're in the mood for something a little risque.

by mel r.

I've been to a fair amount of clubs in my time. So Cal, Las Vegas, being the tops for quality 'Barbie' plastic girls. I have to say though, Portland, is by FAR my favorite place to watch the poles get slimed. The girls out here are just...real. Well, my type of real; tattooed, curvy, not a lot of silicone and raunchy. SOLD! Union is such a place that displays these types. When you walk in, you're accosted by neon and vagina at eye level from the small stage on the right. As you nudge, push, elbow-"hey Captain FF, I'm not a dancer but my size 9 stilettos are going up your brown eye if you don't get your hand off my derriere!" your way to the back, larger stage; you'll notice curtained areas for lap dances. AHHH yes, lap dances; the favorite past time for unrequited desires, blue balls, possible naughty play, and the occasional "ahhh-yeah!!oh shit!" inside your pants. Did I mention, behind closed curtains? The girls I saw on my double night o-fun, had enough ink to cover Butterbean, were talented with the pole, the crowd and their bodies. This place has a cover, so it's nice knowing someone with a lifetime VIP pass (I don't even wanna know who's clam got licked for that one) to get you in on the fly.

by Hollyanna M.

I know I'm in the minority. But Union Jack's? Do not want. I know better than to go to a strip club at 11:30 on a Saturday night, but everyone seemed so keen on it after our Galaxy karaoke adventure, so off we went.Now, I've been to countless strip clubs over the years and I love the whole Suicide Girls-esque thing the girls have going on here. So what was the problem? That's just it, I don't know. I felt unwelcome and uncomfortable. Maybe it was the lighting. Maybe it was the fact that there was no where to sit. Ninety percent of the people in there were clearly not there to watch the girls dance. Most of them never even looked at the stage except for an occasional glance to see who was up there. One guy who had his back to the table was at least tossing some money up every now and then, but come on!Maybe what I didn't like was the fact that indifference seemed to be an attractive quality amongst the dancers and the staff. I don't know. It was just...eh.

by James M.Jana S.Moxie V.Dana S.

For a strip joint, this place is fucking fantastic!!! I stumbled in on my way home from some previous debachery and thought, having just moved here, fuck it, might as well go in and get this over with. So I walked my 80's Metal dressed self into the club. I was awed. It's like vegas on the inside and completely CLEAN!!! The bathrooms were nice and pretty clean, the beer wasn't too highly priced (2.50 for a PBR) and all the girls were pretty nice and cool to me so I had a really great time. Not sure if they serve food, but that would make the place even better if they do. I probably won't go there again cause strip clubs aren't really my thing, but if I frequented them, this would definately be my top choice! Rock on Union Jack, rock on.This is one of the best strip clubs ever! The girls are crazy talented. I mean, personally, I would fall off the pole in a second. But this is not your ordinary pole work. We are talking about contorting yourself in ways unimaginable, around a pole that is tall as hell! Also, the girls are hot. Awesome hair, crazy tats, and everything else. ;)The thing that sucks a bit is that it takes forever to get a drink (there are no servers) and they are really overpriced. Obviously, we expect to pay more in strip clubs, but these are pretty stiff prices for weak drinks. Overall, it is totally worth it to pay for overpriced drinks to see these beautiful girls..Union Jacks is not a strip club.  Its a magical portal where ones every senses are stimulated by lights, smells, tastes, atmosphere and oh yes boobies.  Heres the deal though, the girls are such masters of the naked dance craft that you almost forget they are sans le cloth.  All of the girls are beautiful and unique in that special Portland Suicide Girl-esque way and all are amazingly talented and can bend in ways that would make Gumby try to wiggle his fist/hand in jealousy.  The ladies are also friendly and charming.  If you frequent the muff caverns you will know this to be as rare as toilet seat covers in the bathroom (which UJs also has!).  I take everyone I can to Union Jacks.  I recommend it for every 21st birthday.  I occasionally hit it on a 1st date.  Sometimes I take friends from out of town.  Sometimes I go with friends from in town.  Sometimes I go on holidays.  Ive known the glory of UJs for a decade and I can say: There is always room for Union Jacks.Other unexpected perk(ies)s: if you do leave your wallet or id at UJ's the owner personally takes them with him to ensure their safety and will personally return your frantic call the next day and calm you with soothing plans to meet you and return your property.  And the bathrooms are NOT SCARY.  Where else could you possibly say that about a titty tavern?  Also, everyone behaves.  Please see the guy who checks ID at the door if you question this.Thank you Union Jacks.  Thank you for just being you in all your glitter covered jasmine scented lotion glory.Are all you reviewers bros with Gotti haircuts? This place sucks ass.There are lots of things I can say about this place (horrible layout, assholes standing in front of you, fake ass titties), but perhaps the most annoying is the lighting. You can't see shit with the erratic, flashing strobe lights and that obnoxious black light. Like, we're there to see girls, not to fly into a seizure and/or squint in the hopes of maaaybe catching a glimpse of neon bits.

by Damon J.

Good prices, fast bartenders and I really like the layout of this place. If I lived in Portland I'd live at Union Jack's.

by James M.

For a strip joint, this place is fucking fantastic!!! I stumbled in on my way home from some previous debachery and thought, having just moved here, fuck it, might as well go in and get this over with. So I walked my 80's Metal dressed self into the club. I was awed. It's like vegas on the inside and completely CLEAN!!! The bathrooms were nice and pretty clean, the beer wasn't too highly priced (2.50 for a PBR) and all the girls were pretty nice and cool to me so I had a really great time. Not sure if they serve food, but that would make the place even better if they do. I probably won't go there again cause strip clubs aren't really my thing, but if I frequented them, this would definately be my top choice! Rock on Union Jack, rock on.

by James M.

For a strip joint, this place is fucking fantastic!!! I stumbled in on my way home from some previous debachery and thought, having just moved here, fuck it, might as well go in and get this over with. So I walked my 80's Metal dressed self into the club. I was awed. It's like vegas on the inside and completely CLEAN!!! The bathrooms were nice and pretty clean, the beer wasn't too highly priced (2.50 for a PBR) and all the girls were pretty nice and cool to me so I had a really great time. Not sure if they serve food, but that would make the place even better if they do. I probably won't go there again cause strip clubs aren't really my thing, but if I frequented them, this would definately be my top choice! Rock on Union Jack, rock on.