Club Onyx

by Jacob J.

You have to check them out on a weekend, you would never think there was a recession going on. This is where I learned to make it rain. I don't see that enough in Chicago. In here? That shit was a constant. The dudes that are swollen, big, meaty motherf%$ers are the ones with the fat stacks. I've never ever seen people hand a stripper a fat stack of singles, think fat pristine freshly printed stack with the money ribbon; like what you'd get from the bank. The stack was so heavy it just flipped out of her thong. There are fat booty ladies, thick and lovely, slender and tall, and cottage cheesy, seems that most men like'em all here. Of all the clubs I saw while in town, this club showed the most appreciation to it's dancers. The dancer has so much money, they bring out a garbage bag to carry their money. As far as pole talent, the most I've seen in Houston, right here. Most southern strip bars do that lazy crap, lady just shakes the fat of her bootay. Meh. Being from Chicago, it was a surprise to me to see lovely lovely women (patrons) come to the club just to watch, with their friends or boyfriends. I think every dancer in here was African American and most of the clientele were as well. Everyone was friendly and the door people and security were on top of their game. Is table service non existent? Could just be that we arrived at the club when they cut off the alcohol.. The exterior white palace like walls of the building does not match the lounge like pool hall interior.(Cover was $10 before midnight (I'd like to say midnight, it's a constant throughout Houston, after a specific time all these clubs charge 50% more for cover)  Parking is a private lot, without a charge.

by Anthony H.

Before reading this review you should first read Part 1, my review of Cedar Creek http://www.yelp.com/bi..."My Inauguration Day night out" Part 2. Got to Sam's Boat around 9'ish and met up with my pal Wendy.  We ordered a couple of beers and chatted for a while. I explained to Wendy what a bad week it had been. We had thousands of dollars worth of tools stolen from the test site on the weekend and then I never got a mention on 'The Real Men of Yelp' circular! Not on!. Must have been that review of the Spa I wrote when i talked about Metrosexuals and Manbags! He said "Hang on a minute. We are in Sam's Boat and there is a Mens Club next door isn't there? Lets go there, that is manly stuff and you can write it up" I explained about my previous experience in a Houston Mens Club http://www.yelp.com/bi... sod it, decided to go for it. Why not? We supped our beers and made our way to Onyx. At the door a bouncer stopped us. Him : "Got your ID" Me : "Here it is mate" Him : "You from Australia" Me : "No mate, England" Him : "London?" Me : "No, Mars mate. It's just above London" (that went straight over his head) Him : "Gonna need to search you" Me : "That's alright pal, left my Bow and Arrows on the nightstand" Him : "Haha, You Australians are all jokers. You're clean. Go on in" Paid the $20 each cover and walked inside. First thing you notice when you walk in. It is dark and you hit a wall of sound. Music is REALLY LOUD. Small bar dead ahead. To the right is a stage and at the right of that are the toilets and an ATM. On the left was a small podium with a Pole. We headed straight for the bar but got jumped on by a BOBFOC type lass. She: "Hey, where y'going" Me : "Gonna get a drink love" She: "You from Australia?" Me : "Yep" ( you didn't think I was going to go through all that again did you?) She: "My name is Hollywood, what's yours?" Me : "Joel, yes Joel Rebocks" (She never got it..) She: "Do you want me to come with you to the bar?" Me : "No thanks, I can manage OK from here" She: "OK, see you later Baby" We ordered a couple of large Vodka Red Bulls and I got change from a 20 spot so that was good. We took a table by the small podium where the music wasn't so loud and took in the scenery. Girls here come in all shapes and sizes, something for everyone. There were all generally good looking with the odd fugly but, it is a matter of taste I guess. Common to them all were the costumes. Skimpy doesn't really describe it. Not much imagination required here. There was some real RRRrrrrumpa Bumpa Pumping going on on the stage and Baby Bash's "Cyclone" was tune of the night. It appeared to play every 20 minutes. Nothing too much wrong with that but at the volume setting they had it at, it was more like "Baby Bash Your Ears In". The volume had gone up further and it was difficult to hear and the reverb was that strong that the glasses were shaking and moving round like they were on a Ouija board!! The BOBFOC lass turned up again. All I could hear was every other word. She : "... Baby, .... for .. dance" Me : "No thanks, OK for the min" She : "We ... broom in ... back if ... want?" Me : "A broom..? What do you mean?" She : "What Baby?" Me : shouting now "Just here for a drink, maybe later" She heard that OK. I had seen from the bar that there was a pool table and so I tapped my mate on the shoulder and motioned to go through. We spent the rest of the evening there, as you could hear yourself talk, and we got drinks brought to us. The one thing that stands out about this club is how none of the girls tried to pressure us into spending money. Lots of them came and chatted with us and just seemed curious as to what two White blokes were doing in Onyx. I did a count back this morning and I reckon I spent around $100 all in and had a really good night. Just the tinnitus that is bothering me now.When we left at around 1:30AM the bouncer who had searched me earlier gave us a friendly "See y'all. Did you have a good time?" "Yes thanks mate, We are just heading back to Oz" I replied "Got to go feed Toto" He didn't get that one either.

by Emerson F.

Club Onyx is located right behind Sams Boat on Richmond and adjacent to Uptown Hookah Bar. It is somewhat of a Houston institution. Whenever someone thinks of going to an A.A. gentlemens club, this is the place that's usually recommended. It is owned by the Rick's Corporation and they do a pretty good job of promoting the place. It is ok on the inside, nothing too glamorous or run down. They have a few champaigne and VIP rooms and the wait staff is friendly. The girls are hit or miss. I've gone in here several times and seen my future ex-wife (marinate on that a minute) and I've seen women that made me cringe in fear. However, they have cornered the market on Tues night entertainment. $2 cover, dances, and drinks on Tues. That, along with 25 cent wings on Tues makes it a pretty hard deal to beat.