by Mark M.
So my buddy called me up after work and wanted to grab dinner. He suggested this "really great" Arabic joint that he'd gotten lunch from a few days before.Since this dude has pretty decent taste in food, I didn't question. But when I pulled up alongside him in the parking lot, he had a weird look on his face. I knew what that meant. No matter, I didn't want to bother trying to find somewhere else to go.There were two guys sitting on the front stoop with a hookah, presumably the owners. We passed right by them and entered a large dining hall. The lights were off. Hmmm...My friend asked me if I was OK with the place. I wasn't too choked up about it, but shrugged and nodded. Shortly thereafter, one of the proprietors walked in and said, "What do you want?"I let my buddy do the talking. He said that we wanted dinner.Owner: "OK, go sit."And with that, he flipped on the light to the banquet hall.Errr...Really, this place tops wins the all-time low-brow gilded gaudiness award. Think of it as the interior decor equivalent of one of those tee shirts with the tuxedo jacket and bowtie printed on the front. I guess it's supposed to be a wedding hall. Who in their right mind would have their wedding reception in a restaurant sandwiched between a 7-11 and a dry cleaners?Anyway, the food.Kibbeh. The cooked kind--I didn't dare order the raw version in a place like this, and I see they didn't offer it. Anyway, it didn't matter. They didn't have the beef on hand to make it. Hmmm...shady...Kafta kebab. They're those mincemeat lamb sausage-hamburger things. Theirs were sour and nasty.Chicken kebab. Dry.The rice was your standard Rice-a-Roni pilaf. Bah.The spinach pies were straight from the freezer and into the microwave. They had a frost-burnt taste.Oh, I mustn't forget about the falafel. Not being a fan of those things, I was hesitant to try them, but I relented and found them quite good actually. The tahini sauce was very, uh, peculiar-tasting, and rendered one of those fried chickpea patties inedible.To add insult to injury, the waiter never brought us utensils. I don't know what was up with him. He was strangely absent for most of the meal although we were the only patrons. Was he cooking the food as well?If that was indeed the case, he made a lousy waiter, a lousy cook, and just an all-round lousy restauranteur.
